Inspiration?

Confession. I don't leave conferences inspired. 

I want to leave them with a million thoughts busting out of my head, but honestly, I don't. I take copious amounts of notes. I doodle, I dream, I have all the best intentions to come home and sit down and write for hours - even days! Products! Experiences! People! The thoughts jumble in my head on my way home; All that creativity that I know is in me just waiting to get out.

Then I come home and stare, blankly, at my computer. 

Then I go lay down. 

Then I stare at my unpacked suitcase. 

Then I put away a few pieces of swag. 

Then I go back to my computer and try to force the words from my head. 

Then I play candy crush or bejeweled blitz.

Then I sink into a bit of a post-conference depression. For months I looked forward to the weekend, and now it's over. Did I accomplish what I wanted to? Did I meet all the people that I wanted to? Did I really connect the way I wanted to? The insecurities and pang of possible regrets go flying...

But deep down, I now understand that this is MY way of processing. I will never be the girl whose suitcase is unpacked within an hour of getting home. I will stare at products in branded bags for a few weeks before putting them to use or finding a home for them. My blog may lack new content for days, or weeks, as I decompress and let all that I learned, and all that I did, filter down. 

And I let myself be okay with that, because this is ME. And I know that once the dust settles, my inspiration will be waiting for me. 

The Right Words

As a professional communicator, I’m rarely at a loss for words. In fact, I am what I like to call an “advance thinker” – one who has a plan for every scenario. At work and in life, I try to have a plan for every situation so that I can be sure to have the most appropriate, thoughtful response. So when someone tells me she’s pregnant, getting married, lost weight, had a miscarriage or lost a beloved pet, I trust that I know what to say. It’s no exaggeration to say that I even know how I’ll respond if my kids one day tell me they’re gay.

My list of “proper and sensitive responses” comes from years of paying attention to people’s reactions to news – both mine and others’ – because I never want to say the wrong thing or act the wrong way purely out of shock. You know how it is: Someone tells us something life-changing, or sad, or happy, and our first reaction is always some form of stunned surprise. Even if you knew your best friend had been trying to get pregnant, or were already aware of a colleague’s life-threatening illness, the actual moment when words are formed and reality is confirmed can’t be anything but shocking.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve experienced that moment time and again, when I’ve disclosed that my husband of 12 ½ years and I are separating.

Because I constantly think about how I would want to be told news, and what words would elicit which reaction, I thought I was prepared for everything … but I wasn’t. It turns out I had no expectations of how to tell people or receive their reactions to our impending divorce. With a few good friends, the initial response was a sigh. With others, it was more of a gasp. Some cried; others simply gave me a hug.

But the comment I will tuck away for moments in the future when it may be needed for someone else is this one: “I am sorry for the pain you are currently in.”

That short sentence struck me. The choice of words was just, well … perfect. And of all the mantras I’ve compiled to repeat to myself to get me through the next breath, that one stuck. Because no matter what the back-story is – the details, the who said/did whats – two adults and two children are currently in pain. Pain from change, pain from the unknown, pain for the future suddenly not being what they thought it was going to be.

Our lives will be forever altered by the word “divorce,” but amid the emotions and planning, right now I’m focusing on not letting the word define us. It’s just our current situation.

Note: Next week, I’ll be attending the blog conference Mom 2.0. I wrote this post to be cathartic, but also to give my friends and fellow attendees a heads-up. The blogging community has been a huge part of Jason’s and my lives over the last 8 years, and the decision to go forward with my plans to attend has been an exercise in courage. I will not be sharing details of our separation, but will happily take a hug (or a drink) next week. Being there is just another step to help me move forward and move on from our current situation. 

Motherhood and Girlfriends: New Circle of Moms Video Series in Partnership With Kia

I think girlfriends are one of the most important parts of motherhood. I have such an amazing group of women in my life, both online and IRL, that are my support system from everything to feeding my kids to what shoes to wear. There are many moments in my life when I feel that I would not know what to do next without my girlfriends.

I often feel bad for men. I don't think they have the same type of bonds as women do. They don't seem to really understand why women need to talk about everything - sometimes to death!

Circle of Moms has a new video series in partnership with Kia, about just this. Being a woman and being a mom. The latest video from Circle of Moms by POPSUGAR talks about everything from sex, to growing kids, to having a better relationship with your mother-in-law. Its a lot like having a glass of wine with a girlfriend - just maybe after you've all come from a blow-out at Drybar. 

Check out the latest video and let me know your thoughts! It's a cute series with likable women. I could see myself chatting with them and adding my two cents. Do you have a special group of women in your life? 

Disclosure: This post was sponsored by Kia through their partnership with Circle of Moms. While I was compensated to review the Kia Motors video and write a review, all opinions are my own.